“This is the tragedy of modernity, those trying to help are often hurting us the most” — Nassim Nicholas Taleb
The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a bundle of nerves at the “bridge” between our brain and our spine which has the responsibility to filter the stimulus we receive, in essence, separating the metaphorical “wheat from the chaff” in the billions of bits of information we receive externally. The pieces of information that make it through the filters and into cognitive thinking are one of the most potent parameters for quantifying the subject’s mental state, and essentially it is the biological manifestation of “The Law of Attraction”.
The point to be noted, as it is the foundation from which we will build, is this — over time, what you see and believe becomes the truth that you live and feel. Thus by changing the narratives inside our minds and positively disciplining our psychology, we can change the filters in our RAS, leading to an actual biological change in what we believe and what our external circumstances make us feel (The same scenario can make two people react and cope TOTALLY differently JUST based off of “filter” differences in their respective RAS).
Now that we’ve proved the scientific truth behind quotes like “Whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve”, let’s look at a well intended but sinister manifestation of this psychological effect.
The prevalence of “cancel culture” and rise of opinionated pseudo-intellectual influencers, who publish their papers within the character limits of twitter and scroll through r/parenting for their “research”, has permeated our normal conversations. As a result of this ideological domination, quite a lot of unsubstantiated parenting and child upbringing advice is becoming common and if anyone questions these claims or demands unbiased scientific proof, they are shunned and demonised.
One of the most harmful, and also controversial, effects of this biased crackdown on people’s common sense and logical thinking has been the rise of an over protective approach to parenting. In the search for “safe spaces”, micro level social structures (your family, your friends group, immediate social media connections, school etc) are being pressurised (again, by pseudo-activists who aim to impose their way of thinking on others because apparently what they say is stone carved truth) to conform to this risk-averse and threat free way of raising the next generation.
Children are being taught to stay within the box they have been born in, that all of their “weaknesses” are instead individual quirks and that they should let it be like that, overlooking the fact that some shortcomings deserve to be improved upon in order to help the child live a life of fulfilled potential. A mindset of growth is being frowned upon and children are being fed the narrative that they are pristine and picture perfect as they are, that there is no room for improvement because they have no shortcomings in the first place. They are also being overly sheltered and overly validated, with parents approaching the Dean’s Office over matters as small as a cuss word and on the other hand sports organisations are being forced to hand out participation trophies and certificates.
All of these attempts are well intended but sadly they have the opposite effect. What this does is it creates a narrative in the child’s mind that all of the obstacles and potholes infront of him/her are actually mountains and cliff edges, and that the way to solve the issue is to run away from the things that make you uncomfortable as opposed to facing your fears head on. Trauma specialist psychologists agree unanimously that PTSD patients deteriorate in their condition if they are totally sheltered and protected from triggers and reminders of their pain. Those that suffer from trauma and anxiety need to be exposed to smaller amounts of their triggers in an environment that cannot hurt them long term.
This is not a jab at those sincerely working towards child rights, mental health and systematic reform in education and child psychology policies. Instead, I aim to hold accountable those people who take pseudo-moralistic stances on this issue simply to propagate their, maybe well intentioned, but poorly researched and scientifically debunked hear-say hypothesis. The data makes it clear that if you make a child live a life of absolutely no external discomfort, then they will grow to become adults that are incapable of tolerating any inconvenience whatsoever. And as we know, life can be very traumatic and if you dont know how to deal with trauma, then the demons that rear their ugly head will devour you alive.
The extreme levels of social appropriation, trigger prevention, normalisation of perpetual shortcomings (being bad at something is okay and it’s humane, but if it matters to you then you shouldn’t STAY bad at it) and the misrepresentation of what true self love and self respect means, is harming the foundation of this generation’s personality. Children are given fake validation instead of constructive criticism and are being taught to become reactive and impulsive instead of emotional and empathetic. Self love should mean that a person loves themselves enough to work hard at fixing their actual flaws, that they themselves identified, and attain their true potential. Similarly, self respect should mean that you are capable of being flawed but also human and that there are always going to be things out there that scare you and can harm you but that should never cripple you. And that you deserve to maintain enough dignity to face your fears no matter how scary they may seem.
The solution isn’t to cripple them with long term problems of course, that was never my stance. What needs to be done instead is to let the child grow and learn from their mistakes in safe spaces. Infact, the term safe spaces should imply an environment that makes it possible to experience small doses of uncomfortable situations and learn how to deal with them, one that makes it possible for a child to falter and then make amends. Instead, safe spaces have become the torchbearing term for eradicating any and all forms of discomfort and inconvenience, even though the perpetrators may say that they are trying to prevent trauma. Yes, again I agree that the intention is pure, but the outcome is harmful and what’s shocking is that there is an air of dangerously arrogant delusion surrounding this issue. Childhood is maybe the only time in a human being’s life that they can make the maximum amount of mistakes and learn from them without causing long term damage. Somehow we seem to have forgotten as a society that even though a child needs to be sheltered, he/she also needs to learn the right way to explore the world on their own.
The crux of the issue is that protective spheres have attained overarching jurisdiction and are stifling the children’s ability to adapt to reasonable obstacles.
In order to be able to overcome existing trauma and develop internal emotional processes that can help deal with other psychologically stressful issues, a person needs to be exposed to situations that challenge their personality. Yes children need to be protected and guided, but not caged in and spoon-fed. At one point they will leave the shade they have been living under and unfortunately, they might not be ready to cope with the blistering furnace that life has the propensity to become at times.
